Dating: So Sad, It's Funny?

We all know by now that I am an "on again, off again" online/app dater.  I do it for a while until I realize that it is a nightmare and never really meet any "good" people.  I'm not saying they aren't out there; I'm just saying I haven't met them yet. 
So today I just want to take you on a visual ride-along of what that journey looks like.
Buckle up, Buttercup!! 

First, we'll start with some of the choices from the various platforms that made me wonder: WTF?

I think the main thing I want to know here is:
What is going on with your shirt, Patrick?
Are you drunk? Is it drunk?
Were you drunk when you put it on? Did you try to take it off because you were drunk?
I have questions - but not enough to swipe right.

I only have one question here:
Is he trying to smuggle a salami?


















I wasn't sure what to think of either of these.
What are we looking at here exactly?

Dane, are you angry?
Did your kids break the fucking lamp again?

Jerry, no dandruff?
thinning hair?
because I know you can't think that man bun is going to do all the work for you.

This one really got me thinking.
Jonathan, are you a lamp?
A ghost in the doorway?
Have you fallen and can't get up?
Then I saw that you wanted to make sure we knew you were a Gemini (props, I am too) - that, coupled with your comment...
it all made sense;
Jonathan, don't build your profile when you're high, bro.

This guy!
Okay, dude, we're clear.
















The following was just part of a bio I found amusing. It's from that guy that spams everyone. You can tell by his sentence structure - I mean c'mon, who doesn't love to have a boogie? and you know he has to Europe & Middle East - we all do sometime, don't we??

Okay, that was a fun little adventure.  But how about some actual communications?
Well, I'm glad you asked because I do have a few!!
Let's see.... where to start:

So. Many. Things.
Why contact me if you 'do not know'?
What's up with the bloodshot eyes, guy?
High?
Too much scrolling with not enough blinking?
Constipated?
'Ugh' is right.

That name, dude.
You think you got mad skillz

  
The sky is married. 
The sky is a hand.
The sky touches the light.
The sky wants to know how I'm doing.
The sky has a small penis I can tell by its hand.

a poem.

excuse me?
what?

and this interaction of relentless pursuit:

 There were actually a few more text exchanges prior to that first one there but I failed to get screen grabs.
He stopped after I figured out his plan to sell me insurance though. 

my question is, who are these almost 1800 men and why are only the weird ones contacting me?
Perhaps I will actually pay to check it out one day when I get serious. but until then...