Well, it is that time of year again
- the anniversary of the day my life took a turn that would alter it ever after.
June 4, 1999 was the last time I would ever know NOT being in pain EVERY. DAY.
This is the day the negligence of another human caused my spinal cord to be crushed and leave me partially paralyzed on the left side of my body and in extreme pain like I had never felt before and wouldn’t wish on anyone.
3 years of physical therapy, three times a day - Traction in the morning, muscle atrophy exercises at lunch, motor skills and massage in the evening.
So many pills, so many needles, so many tests.
Crying myself to sleep every night because the pain was unimaginable.
Angry because this wasn’t cool. It wasn’t fair.
I became extremely overweight - I’d never weighed much over 100 pounds - Being sedentary caused a whole host of new health problems - high cholesterol, high blood pressure and all that shitty stuff. I found an incredible neurologist who helped me regain the use of my left side and then the real work began. Learning to use my hands again, learning to walk properly - I walked with a cane for many years.
I bought a treadmill to try to begin to lose the 75 pounds I had gained - at first I could only walk for 2 minutes at a time before the pain became unbearable but I kept at it and was able to go longer and longer as my muscles became stronger and healthier - I was vegetarian/pescatarian during that period….. anyway long story but eventually I got to where I am today and it takes A LOT of maintenance on a daily basis (I still have the same treadmill and use it as often as possible)
I have not been on meds for about 12 years now and use a regimen of supplements, exercise and diet set up with my neurologist to help maintain a healthy weight and manage pain as much as possible without drugs.
It is hard to remember what it was like to live without pain and my PTSD has kept me from getting a good night’s sleep for the past 23 years.
Every day I wake up, I feel like I have been fiercely struck on the neck and shoulders with a baseball bat - that’s my norm for the past 8,403 days - sprinkled in with all the other fun issues that come from an impaired spinal cord. They cannot do anything for me because there is a 90% risk of paralysis from the neck down if surgery is performed.
I did receive some good news last week when I had my annual MRI - the discs crushing my spinal cord have shrunk and receded just enough to finally allow a tiny bit of spinal fluid to pass around the cord - somewhat reducing the ever present risk of paralysis from tripping or falling.
I would say the thing that has aided the most in my process along the way has been my faith and my ability to try to maintain a positive attitude - some days my situation weighs on me heavily but I can only sit in self pity for a minute - I have a life to live.
I want to live every minute of it having fun and spreading joy and laughter where I can.
I want to enjoy my friends and food and places I have yet to go and people I have yet to meet - all the good stuff!
I will never get better and it has become degenerative - but technology is cool and advances daily.
So remember to tell your people you love them.
Don’t hang on to anything or anyone negative in your life and try to spread joy when you can and at the very least, be kind - you don’t know what people are dealing with
Hard Truth: your life can change in an instant.
