Thursday, June 28, 2018

Shit You Should Know

(this is an old one that I found sitting in the "drafts" folder perhaps I was going to add more but this seems like enough for now)

I began to notice that it seems as though there has been a rise in the number of idiots in the world.  Now perhaps it’s just me getting older or my lack of ability to suffer fools but whatever the case, these are a few small bits of information that I thought might be helpful to those less informed individuals  (I don’t think idiot is an acceptable PC term- so, sorry, to the idiots out there)  It will also help me be less annoyed.
I feel that most of the general population lacks what I refer to as “Sesame Street Skills” and, at the very least, the younger generation who never watched Sesame Street.
Old episodes can be found on YouTube if you wish to go back and learn what you should have learned when you were 4 or 5 years old!
Here we go:
Please get a pen and note pad and not your phone.  I noticed the kids in school who take notes in their phone always fail tests. For some reason they seem to think taking the notes into the phone will miraculously transfer said information into their brain without having to ever look at it again. In reality, I know they just took notes into the phone to appease the professor – so get a pen and paper!


-          Look both ways before crossing the street.  This is done to look for oncoming traffic. It is your responsibility to keep yourself alive.  Yes, pedestrians have the right of way but not if you are not seen.  Sometimes the driver actually doesn't see you.  Sometimes they are participating in a DeathRace situation; in which case you're doomed.  Either way, you can’t go to court and sue if you’re dead.  Remember that.

-          When crossing the street, hopefully at the corner or crosswalk where your ass should be, it is wise to walk BEHIND any car that may be waiting for a stop sign or stoplight.  Remember, it is your responsibility to keep yourself alive.  This will help.  Sometimes drivers get excited and will just go. (or that DeathRace thing) If you cross in front of them, you may die.  If you cross behind their car, you just may live

-          Cross the street at a street corner or crosswalk, dingus.

-          Taking your foot off the accelerator (gas) pedal will slow a car down.  “The hell?”  you say.  It’s true.  You don’t have to slam on your brakes on the highway all the fucking time.  If you see traffic slowing, take your foot off the gas.

-          Don’t stand directly in front and center of an elevator when waiting for it.  Surprise, surprise! Other people may be in there and need to get off.  You will be in their way and vice versa. Don’t be an ass.  Stand to the side.  Preferably the right-hand side but I know that may be pushing it. Let them off before you go all Pavlovian stampeding forward just because you heard the “ding”

-          Move to the right.  I can never stress this enough!!!!  If you are in the US or most other nations that are not British or under British rule; move to the right.

-          If you’re not sure how to do something, try to figure that shit out!  The best way to gain problem solving skills is by… wait for it…. solving problems!  “But how?” you may ask – figure that shit out too, dingus.  (hint: Google knows a lot of stuff; so does YouTube and they put instructions on just about EVERYTHING if you know how to read!  
Crazy. 
I know.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Trolling for Dates

Every now and again, I get suckered into joining a dating site or downloading some app by people who are under the mistaken impression that this is something I need to be doing because I am single.
Turns out I’m single for a reason and that reason ain’t me! 

This tale of woe is from my last go-round in the dating arena and is driven by my adventures on OK Cupid. They were short lived. I think I lasted 3 months that time after some interesting interactions. When I track down some of the screen shot conversations, I will add them here for your perusal. 
I had several matches on the site: 1003 likes, 238 matches and 58 active conversations, to be exact.  Of those active conversations, most would just drift off into oblivion (kind of a pet peeve of mine) or become an endless stream of one line exchanges over the course of several months (the biggest pet peeve of mine) If you wanna ask me out, ask me out already!  
I don’t need a fucking pen pal!
Now I understand that there are many women out there that use these sites just to get to go out on someone else’s dime and that can make men wary of asking someone out before learning a bit about them.  That’s cool and all but three or four months is too long - shit or get off the pot! Man up!
I have no problem paying for my own meal and/or drinks.  If I like you, hell, I’ll probably even pay for yours!! 
What I’m saying is come up with a fucking plan for that kind of shit - If a bitch looks like she’s only out with you for the food and drinks - go to the bathroom and on the way ask the waiter to be sure to bring separate checks when you guys are done - or dip out if she was really annoying!! 
But I digress -
The point of that was, have some fucking balls and ask a sister out! I admire the guys who ask me out after a short text exchange.  The only real way to know what’s up is to meet in person.  Period.  
So this is about one of those guys.  
A guy who had the balls to ask me out fairly quickly into our exchange.
In retrospect I should have known the encounter was going to be strange at best when he had the screen name - Nathan Drake. 
(For more info google Nathan Drake Uncharted) 
Yes, this is the name of a video game character. (Red Flag #1) 
I shall mark these as I tell the story. 
I agree to meet for a date after work since we both work in the same area of town.  I work in a business park that is near a mall that is surrounded by a ton of fantastic restaurants and bars - throw a stick, you hit a good one.
Dude decides he wants to meet AT the mall (Red flag #2) not a restaurant in the mall - IN THE MALL.
I’m thinking, what? Are we 15? Is your mom dropping you off?
It takes him forever to get there and I find him by one of those directory signs with his lanyard and badge still on from work.  (I took mine off and left it in the car but I guess since his mom dropped him off...)
So we figure out that we are who the other is looking for and I say to him “DId you wanna go grab a coffee or something in the food court?”  And he says “Why don’t we just sit on a bench or something?” (Red flag #3)
I let him know that I had not eaten since lunch, which was at 11am and it was now 5:30pm and I was going to the food court to eat. To which he replied “Well, I’m not hungry” as he plopped down at one of the center court tables.  
I let him know I’d join him after getting my food.  I guess he sat instead of engaging me in conversation while I waited in line at Panera so I would understand that he was not going to buy me dinner (Red flag #4) 
The line was long and the teenage cashier was confused so I went over to Sbarro to grab a quick slice instead.  I settled for plain cheese and a soda (two things I don’t ever really indulge in but these were desperate times)
When I returned to the table with my “dinner” he says “I don’t really eat pizza” (now for those of you who know me well, know it took everything in my total being to not say - well you ain’t the one eating it, mother fucker!)
But I didn’t because this was supposed to be a date and one does not act that way on a date. Right? 
He then goes on to tell me how bad the cheese is and how greasy it looks. 
(Red flag #5) 
I tell him about my dislike of most cheese and how that’s kind of ironic with my mom being from Wisconsin etc etc... which somehow lead to him asking me if I voted for Trump??? Huh?? 
Exactly!!! (Red flag #6)
When I said no... “Oh so you voted for Hillary?”
“Um, no - I’m Libertarian “
“Oh so you’re a communist then!?”
What the actual fuck was happening here?
I’m just trying to eat my pizza, yo - so I can end this date and go get a big girl drink.
I fired back between bites - “Did you vote for Trump?”
With a short reply he says no and then proceeds to carry on about healthcare.  I listen for a bit while he mansplains to me things I already know so I call him on it - I said please stop, I don’t want to talk about this.
He fires back, “Oh so the conversation gets uncomfortable and all of a sudden your type doesn’t want to talk anymore!” (Red flag #7)
“My type?? What the fuck does THAT mean? I’m just tired of you trying to mansplain to me things I already know - its like listening to you recite a Wikipedia page and it is BORING!” 
This did not sit well with our quaint misogynist with the video game action hero moniker.
He was triggered by my use of the word mansplain.  “So you’re one of those feminist social injustice warriors?” 
It was at this precise moment that I realized - 
I AM ON A DATE WITH AN INTERNET TROLL!!!
His whole contrarian attitude gave him away - this is the dude that sits in his mom’s basement arguing with people about anything and really saying nothing in order to prove some sort of superiority over them.  Hmmm.

Now under normal circumstances I would have just gotten up and walked away but traffic was still bad and, being the true ENTP http://www.16personalities.com/entp-personality that I am, I thought, “Let’s do this”
“What’s wrong with standing up to injustice?” The trap was set...
“And yes, I am a feminist, I guess considering I believe that women can do pretty much the same things as men.”  
I explained that I knew how to work on cars, small electronics and building things - excelled at math and science and pretty much have always worked in what was considered a “man’s” field.
He countered with the tried and true military/fireman argument.  He wanted the assurance of a man saving him in the case of battle or fire, not some weak ass woman. I asked if he had ever been in the military and his reply was no.  I informed him that I had as well as some of my female friends and that my best friend had been a marine to boot!  This did not sit well with him especially when I told him that the women fire fighters I knew (the ones that work with my brother) were in much better shape than most of the men at that particular station and I would not want some 250+ pound man who can barely breathe let alone carry me any distance, dragging my ass from a fire when I knew the women there could just toss me over their shoulder and scurry on their way.
This went on for a while - with him saying that women weren’t built the same as men and I agreed that physically we were not that same and pointed out areas in which women were superior- which he tried to disagree with until I threw down the facts! 
We continued our verbal sparring for a while and then he said that men were intellectually superior to women - they were just plain smarter 
(Red flag #8)
This is one of the things that chaps my ass the most! 
Was this man trying to get punched in the throat? 
Is that what he's into, maybe? my thoughts wandered...
I grew up in the shadow of this misguided opinion. In my family this thinking did not exist. My mother knew how to work on cars and did home repairs and the like. - I also have several pioneering women in “men’s” fields in my family.  An aunt that was one of the first women in the Air Force (women’s air command at the time) and another who worked for Texas Instruments and did contract work for NASA helping to build and program their Voyager 1 & 2 space explorers - Having to listen to this type of nonsense in school because I was specially gifted in math, and now this joker, oh please.
I asked what he did and he said he worked in IT.  
I said “Oh” and “well, that’s an easy and boring job” 
He asked what I did and I told him I was a multimedia developer but that previously I had been a systems engineer and was on track to become an electrical engineer but decided against it when I ended up having to always work with assholes like him.  
(I once had a guy at work try to show me how to use a screw driver) 
I also let him know a little about the job I had trained for in the Air Force working with radar and satellites and reconnaissance gear etc...
We went on in this vein for a while with him becoming increasingly more agitated while I was having fun entertaining myself until traffic eased up.
Needless to say he was pretty ruffled by the time our discussion ended which was with me saying - “My pizza’s gone and I think traffic is good now.  I’m going home.” Straight up, dead-ass in the middle of whatever we were talking about at this point.
A woman nearby who had been privy to this whole exchange, was giggling. I winked at her.
So, get this, dude says as we’re about to part ways, “I’m going to go grab something from the Chinese place over there.  This was interesting.”
To which I replied, “No.  No it was not.”
And I walked off.
Worst. Date. Ever.
I would think on a date you would try to get the woman to like you, not prove your superiority over her.
How does he think this is a good tactic? 
And I didn’t even get a free meal.

Sheesh.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Unicorn Hunters



To obtain the unobtainable.
To search for that which does not exist.
These are the actions of what I call a Unicorn Hunter.

There are many Unicorn Hunters out there.
People waiting for the right time to have children; looking for the perfect job; seeking the greatest high: playing to win the lottery. (surprisingly the lottery seems to be the most attainable of the list there)

Perhaps the most common is searching for the perfect partner, a soul mate, be they man or woman.
There is no such thing.
There are people with whom you are compatible and those with whom you are not.
Simple as that.

I think online dating has turned so many people into Unicorn Hunters.
Always looking for the next best thing because they may be the “one,”
The unicorn that will be magical and completely change them and their whole life.

I don’t think it works like that.

Would be nice if it did but always being on the hunt and never being satisfied seems tiring and fruitless. They pass up people with whom they are compatible because maybe that person had one annoying habit and they move on to the next.
Always moving on to the next.

If you find that you are always searching for the perfect mate, or greatest adventure or best place on Earth, you may be a Unicorn Hunter.
Perhaps it is time to stop and look at exactly why you want a unicorn and deal with that instead, and not obtaining a unicorn.