Sunday, June 9, 2019

WTF is up with Lime Candy?

First of all, I'd like my stripper/drag queen name to be Lime Candy.
That being said, I have a story to tell.

The other night I was in a good bit of pain and my traps
(trapezius muscles; just an FYI for whomever) were so tense I thought my head would snap off. 
I don't usually take anything but I really needed to sleep and I did have a little bag of special gummy bears I brought back from Florida. 
I decided I should eat one to help relax my damn traps... and who doesn't enjoy a good gummy bear?
I decide on the green one because I LOVE green apple!
I put it in my mouth and after the granules of sugar dissolved, I discovered, to my sheer and utter horror that it was NOT green apple but LIME!!
No one wants that kind of surprise in their mouth!!
I was enjoying the sensations of the gummy bear but was definitely NOT enjoying the flavor!
Who the fuck makes candy lime flavored anymore?
And why the fuck was it a flavor for candy to begin with?
It's not even a good fruit.
Have you ever seen a kid in the fucking grocery store running up to his mom in the produce department with an armful of limes shouting, "Can we PLEASE get some limes!!?? PLEASE??"
No, you have not.
Lime flavoring just tastes like green chemicals.
It is not a good flavor. 
Who thought it was?
I mean, you KNOW it sux as a flavor because not even you grandparents like fucking lime candy!

Lime should only be in two things:
Alcohol
And pie.
That's it!!
(I will allow for it in sparking fizzy water because alcoholics drink that to pretend its alcohol)
STOP MAKING LIME FUCKING CANDY
It's fucking deceptive and of the Devil himself.