I started thinking about liars and why people lie.
Why I lie. Why you lie.
Why women lie to men.
Why men lie to women - you get where I’m going with this.
We should probably all be walking around with our pants on fire easily by the time we are 3 years old - I mean, if we’re being honest here when we are between like 5 to 10 there shouldn’t even be pants, just fire legs.
As kids we learn one of the most basic reasons people lie: manipulation to get something they want. We grew up knowing and doing this and therein the trouble begins…
The reappearance of an estranged friend earlier this week is what began my contemplations and ruminations on liars.
We had quite a blowout about this very thing that ended the friendship.
This sudden ask for forgiveness and apologizing had me wondering about his sincerity - was it merely more manipulation?
Then I started thinking about some of the liars in my life.
I once dated the master of shady, the king of the liars, and the smoothest narcissistic sociopath to ever move among mere mortals.
My buddy was witness to and in awe of the sheer audacity of the shenanigans in which this guy participated. The lies he told to a multitude of women (while in a relationship with me) was incredible. We watched as he would chat up women online using the EXACT same lines across the board (he had forgotten to log off my Mac one time which allowed for this deeply disturbing but woefully entertaining one-time watch party).
He had been participating in the ultimate lie - cheating.
He would tell them how awful things were going with me (which was news to me) in order to gain their pity and their panties!
His friend had a somewhat better method, a kind of loop hole that he had found, which I could kind of ‘respect’ He would break up with his girl before heading out of town, have a good time with the ladies and then LET his girl convince him to get back together upon his return. Diabolical, yes but technically not cheating and therefore also not lying.
Don’t lie to me.
I know when you're doing it and whether I call you out on it or let you believe you got away with it, depends on my mood on that particular day and what I gain from my stance either way.
Most people have a 'tell' but that is not necessarily how I know a person is lying to me.
Nope, generally if I come to you with a question about a situation, I already know the answer and am just posing the situation to you to see if you respect me enough to be honest or if you are a dirtbag in hot pants who is going to lie to try to protect whatever petty little situation you are lying about.
If you choose the latter, well, that pretty much tells me everything I need to know about you and the level of regard you have for me.
Don’t lie to me.
This is all I ask from anyone.
I’m a grown-ass woman and can handle whatever truth you think might hurt me.
People will say they lie to protect another’s feelings but that isn’t really true, is it?
It’s to protect people’s perception of them (the liar).
Maybe you lie to a child about their dog being run over by a car - that’s (maybe) understandable - but why pretend you don’t even know what someone looks like when you have put little hearts on their music videos and their profile pictures?
Get out of here with that amateur shit, son.
I think I usually expect more when I’m in a ‘serious’ relationship with someone - otherwise, let’s keep it casual. It’s not fair for you to lie to me to get whatever you hope to gain from it, without allowing me the same courtesy.
You wanna see other people on the side?
Cool, tell me! - I do too if you’re a big fat liar.
It’s only fair.
My ex-husband never lied to me. I would say I think that spoiled me but isn’t that how relationships are SUPPOSED to be? Honest?
We were 100 percent transparent with each other - that’s what respect and trust look like.
We shared an email account and cell phone for crying out loud.
Whoever went out of the house took the cell phone with them.
And yes, we even told each other uncomfortable truths. Sometimes VERY uncomfortable.
But again, respect.
We still maintain this kind of relationship even as friends.
My close friends are always very honest and transparent with me - perhaps that is why we are friends.
I don’t know, maybe I don't understand shady people.
Don't you get tired of all the sneaking around and trying to remember what you said the last time in order to keep your story straight?
Generally, it just seems easier to be honest.
Thankfully there are very few liars in my life these days.
Distancing myself from people who engage in such behavior has made my life more peaceful.
Unfortunately there are times when you cannot distance yourself, like work or family etc.
The best we can do is be kind to those people.
If you ask me a question, I will always try to tell you the truth.
Some may say it is mean or hurtful but if you have ever been lied to you know this is not the case.
A lie is the mask of a coward.
