What do you want to be when you grow up? (an old essay from 2008)

From a facebook blog from 2008 when it had such things)

I'm sure we all have heard this question a million times, especially when we were kids in school.

Relatives like to ask this question too at various holidays and get togethers.
As we got older we heard similar things from our parents,
"what are you going to do with your life?"

This question was always peculiar to me.
How do you answer this question?
As a kid I usually gave the answer: happy
Of course it was answering questions in this manner that always led to hours of testing and talking to people who could help me reach my full potential.
My full potential to be......? what?

I had no aspirations.
I assume the question actually meant "what job occupation do you envision you will occupy as an adult"
And as I have stated, I had no particular aspirations.
I really didn't think about it.
None of it really appealed to me - and quite frankly, still doesn't.
A job means work - and who really wants to work? especially as kids.
That's where I think the other kids were missing the boat - and I don't think they were mentally able to wrap their mind around the concept of work and a job.

As I was growing up and going through school, I had many teachers steer me in directions they felt my aptitudes would best serve me. I guess this was to prepare me for a job eventually. A job that I didn't have any desire to partake of and really hadn't defined.
This involved a whole lot of Math and Science -
I had a gift for these subjects but really wasn't interested in them.
I was just able to do them and do them well due to a genetic disposition for such things.
No real passion for them, however.

So. What do I want to be when I grow up?
I have been many things.
People often remark about the number of things I have done and can do.
This is due to the lack of an answer to that question I guess.
I do what I want when I want or when necessity dictates.
If I need money, I get a job.
If I need alot of money, I get a good paying job.

This all goes back to what I really wanted to be when I grew up.
Happy.

I have no overwhelming passion to do anything in particular, but am intrigued by many different things. If it interests me, I try it. I love a challenge and to challenge myself.
Once I have accomplished a goal - it's time to move on to the next challenge or adventure.
This makes me happy.
It keeps my active mind agile and ever expanding.
If I were to be stuck in one job or one place, I believe my mind would atrophy and eventually quit working altogether. I would be like all the drones driving to work everyday - which explains their inability to drive - brain quit working like 10 years ago - but I digress.

There is nothing wrong with that, it's just not for me.
I want to be a traveller, a liver of life (hahaha I said I want to be a liver)
a doer of things, a watcher, an experimenter, creator, a reader, a writer, an experiencer and an inventor.

Everything I have wanted to do in my life, so far, I have done.
I take jobs and try to be the best I can be until it becomes draining on me or it is no longer fun, and then I move on.

So at this point in my life I have been:
a child, a traveller, a singer, a gas station attendant, a bar waitress, a hotel maid, a certified jeweler, an engineering student, a member of the armed forces, a model, a shoe salesman, a district manager, a book seller, an art student, a systems engineer, an animator, a sculptor, an art director, a broadcast designer, a live TV graphics operator, a photographer, a people watcher, a friend, a wife, a girlfriend, a sister, an aunt.......... and also a woman.

A woman who wants to be happy when she grows up.
=]

Phil 4:11

Creative Conundrum

I'm a creative person. 
One without a particular passion.
Well, more accurately, one with too many passions to be able to focus on any one in particular.

Or stay focused at all.

I have been blessed (or cursed) to be proficient in several creative disciplines.
This is not unusual for creative types. 
A friend once said, "You know how we creative types are, have our fingers in several projects."
He is one of the most brilliant designers I know and was talking about his playing bass in a band that weekend.

I think the issue I have is being able to wrangle all my creative personalities and get them in line enough to actually accomplish something. 
Anything.

I want to make short films. Silly little animations. 
I want to go on photo adventures. Photograph live music. Capture voyeuristic candids of strangers.
Write funny stuff. Do stand up. Do improv. Write serious stuff. Blog more often. 
Paint. Sculpt. Build things with my hands.
Create a collage. Bake a pie. Sing a song. Landscape my yard. 

I get in a mood to create. It's a driving mood.
A desire. A need.
A hunger.
And then comes the problem.
But what? How?

Do I feel like expressing this current desire in word or food or emulsions?
Perhaps through a lens? Hmmmmm. Should I find a pencil?
Is this mood in color? 
I can't quite put my finger on what I need to express or how. 

Maybe I should walk around a bit.
Look at the internet for inspiration.
Social media?
Read a few pages from a book on the stack of books that are also calling my name?
TV? A movie? Hmmmmm.

Oh man, it's getting late.
I'm running out of time today.
Hurry, this feeling may not last. The motivation will be lost soon.

I collect things to create projects.
I buy gear to create projects.
I acquire notebooks to jot down ideas.

I never really care if anyone sees or likes what I do.
The need is the actual CREATION.
But the problem is HOW.

Anyway, I have so much pent up potential creative energy and I can't seem to focus it most of the time.
The times I do, I usually end up with a satisfactory product but I'd like to be able to do that more often.
It seems to get harder and harder to do as I get older. Perhaps that is why I continue to take classes.  It forces me to focus. I have to provide a product in a timeframe.

I don't think it's ADD or ADHD or whatever, I think I just have too many options.
Could an accountability partner or a collaborator be the answer?
Chad was always good about presenting me with a challenge or adventure.
Encouraging me enough to keep going.
I miss that. 

So this is how I satisfied my creative bug today.
Perhaps tomorrow I will think about a new concrete sculpture for the yard using the chainlink gate I just swiped from the neighbor's trash...  and not do it.