Monday, April 27, 2020

Träumen

I have this dream.
I am in a foreign city.
Not overseas, but foreign to me.
I am part of a family.
It is not my family.
I have never seen these people before coming to this city, yet I find myself waking up next to a man.
- in his bed
- in his home
It is not my home.
This man is not my husband.
I am not sure why I am here.

There is a child.
It is not my child.
The child treats me as though I am a mother.
I am not a mother.
I play along.
For some reason I don't want them to find out that I am not who they think I am.
I am very confused.
I have my clothes and my sundries here.
I have food that I like here.
There is beer that I enjoy drinking here.
I don't belong here though.
I can feel it.
I am not sure why I am here.

I work at my job from this home.
The man also works from home.
We are together 98 percent of the time, yet we barely speak.
We cook and eat meals together.
We watch TV together - sometimes for hours.
We have sex sometimes - only in the bedroom.
But this man is not my husband.
I do not feel close to him.
I am not sure why I am here.

Nothing extraordinary happens.
We go for bike rides as a family on occasion.
We take out the garbage and do laundry.
All the mundane tasks of marriage.
I am not married.
I feel very lonely most of the time even though I am usually with the man.
This man is not my husband.
I am not sure why I am here.

I am told it is for my safety.
For everyone's safety.
I am not sure this is the case.
I think I was safe at my home
- when I was not sleeping
- when I was not dreaming
- when I was alone
This dream seems rather long yet I continue to dream.
Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up in my own home.
By myself
- but maybe not sure why I am there either.

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