The Corona Muse

When all this bizarre COVID-19 shit began, I was staying in Alabama.
Being exposed to so few people in Alabama, I didn't feel too worried about contracting anything.
I only returned to Atlanta to go to work because I still had to go into the office in those early days. 
As the situation became more dire and I was able to finally work remotely, I decided to return to Alabama in order to be in isolation with people rather than alone in my place in Atlanta.
I told myself that Atlanta is more densely populated therefore the risk of contracting the virus seemed greater than in a small town in Alabama. 
I felt like human contact would be my saving grace during an unknown situation.
For the most part I still believe this to be the case.
Today, however, I find myself in a weird predicament.
I have a lot of creative energy that I need to express and because I am not at my home, I have no way to get all that energy out.
It is making me anxious and distracted and nervous.
I feel like a caged animal.
Pacing back and forth.
Back and forth in a small box.
A box that I cannot escape.
So I pace some more.
In my mind.
I have absolutely zero supplies with me so there is not really anything I can do about it.
I have come to realize that I traded my art for human company and i feel I have made the wrong choice.
My art is always there for me.
I can express my joy, my sorrow, my confusion, my sadness, my longing through my art.
I can share all that is running through my mind at a million miles an hour.
My thoughts and ideas can run free and come to life in any number of ways when I am surrounded by my tools of creation.
I cannot say the same for being in the company of humans.
My ability to express who I am and what I am feeling is stifled.
It is also too complex for words.
I need to create and I am just simply unable to in this moment when I so desperately need to.
I need to make something with my hands and my heart but I can't.
And I am sad.