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Time for a little potty talk.

And by potty talk, I mean the toilet and restrooms and whatnot and the crap that is on my mind pertaining to the subject.

(and yes, I am aware there was kind of a pun there. A shitty one)

When I go into a restroom that has stalls and someone gets into the stall right next to me – even though they don’t have to because more are available - I want to say in a kind of loud whisper: “Thank-you for joining me in my quest.”

If it was not for the wall, then it would pretty much be subway seating.

You know that big stall that’s usually at the end of the row of stalls??

I’m pretty sure that’s a stall for handicapped people and not the luxury suite of the bathroom.

It annoys me when people use it when there are regular stalls available.

But these are most likely the same buttholes that park in a handicapped spot.

I once read some funny graffiti written on one of those toilet seat cover dispensers in a Miami club.

It read:  FREE COWBOY HATS

Why do people go into restrooms to make business calls? 

I see women do this quite often. (more times than it should happen, which is never.)

The acoustics are different so people KNOW you are in the restroom.

And what about when someone flushes in the background?

I suggest that when you witness someone making this type of call in the restroom, that you make groaning noise, loud farting noises with your mouth, armpit or whatever ;)  and then flush.

Twice.

I’d like to end with this piece of advice:

If you don’t talk to me under normal circumstances, then for the love of God, DO NOT try to start up a lively conversation with me in the bathroom.

I mean really, you want to talk to me in the toilet but not the elevator?

Seriously?

I’m in there for one reason and it ain’t to make friends!