Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Single on Valentine's Day

So Valentine's Day is just around the corner.
Three days away, in fact.
Couple that with the fact that the crew kept trying to get me to hit on the firemen that showed up during our shoot today, I started thinking about how I really feel about being single right now.
The short answer: I'm okay with it.
The long answer is a bit more complex.

Quite a few of the women I went to high school with are also currently single.
There seems to be some sort of stigma that there's something wrong with you if you are single at our age.  I think the exact opposite is true and that is why we are single;
There's nothing wrong with us.

We make our own money.
We take care of ourselves and our children (if we have them)
We have great friends.
We have hobbies.
We travel.
We don't mind going to the movies or eating dinner out alone.
We are mentally and emotionally strong and stable.
And, I think, the most important is that we love ourselves and are okay being alone with our own company.
We are secure in who we are.

Apparently most men don't seem to be able to handle that.
I don't know why.
A guy friend of mine likened me to being the equivalent of the betta fish of girlfriends. 
Not needy.
Perfectly fine being alone.
Leave em alone for weeks at a time and come back and they're still fine.
I don't know if that's a good thing but it was funny.

I think it takes a really special kind of man to be able to date a strong woman.
A man who is really secure with himself.
Most men seem to want to rescue someone or like that women have to depend on them for their well being and just about everything else.  They want a woman to feed their ego or be a possession.
We want a man to be a companion.
Someone with whom we can have an intelligent conversation about movies and books and yes, sports.
Someone who doesn't take himself too seriously.
Someone who is okay being who he is so he can be okay with us being who we are.
I know too many women who wrap their identity up in whomever they are dating at the time or are married to - and when it ends (if it ends) they are devastated because they have no identity or friends of their own and they have no clue what to do except cling on to the next guy that comes along.

I'm not saying that I don't want to be with someone.
My ex-husband was a great match for me.  He is very comfortable with who he is and was therefore comfortable with me being me.  He had hobbies and his own friends.  I had hobbies and my own friends. The fact that our interests overlapped is what bonded us together.  Because neither of us were insecure and both contributed equally to most everything, we didn't argue about the stuff most couples find themselves arguing about.  The events that led to our divorce will always be seen as a tragedy to me because it shouldn't have happened and the timing of everything couldn't have been worse.  We are still good friends and have been able to discuss how those awful events changed who we were entirely.

Back to Valentine's Day.
I am not bitter about love so I do not abhor the holiday, even if I find it rather silly. 
While I was married, I made him swear to never buy me a stuffed anything.
No diamond heart pendant.
Never, ever any red roses (to me the ugliest of all the roses)
No heart shaped box of ANYTHING.
Valentine's is a holiday of clich├ęs and that's what I find so silly.
The best Valentine's Day was when I received power tools (even if there was a mylar balloon attached to them)
I do like those little sugar heart candies tho - nothing like a little diabetes for your love!

Another fond Valentine's memory I have is when the guy I was dating and I got each other the exact same card! Talk about knowing each other pretty dang well!!

but I digress...

I am glad I was raised to be a healthy strong woman and I know my friends, who are single, are glad as well.
Would we like to find someone awesome to share our life with?
Sure.
Are we willing to put up with a bunch of bullshit or change into some sort of wilting lily to find a man?
Nope.

And we're okay with that.
It would be nice if more men were.
Happy Valentine's Day!

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