Friday, June 17, 2011

Fashion Sense or Nonsense?

Okay so today and the past few days off over the past few weeks I’ve been sitting here and there around South Beach doing some reading or just people watching, whatever.
One of the things I have been noticing in particular is the fashions and peoples’ lack of good fashion sense.  
I think my biggest of the peeves I have this season is the ridiculous practice of wearing clothing from different seasons together.  It looks dumb – just straight out dumb.
If you are wearing a beautifully light and flowing summer dress made from the lightest and coolest fabrics why in the hell would you pair that with the clunkiest thickest pair of winter boots you have in your closet?? Are you a three year old?  Do you want to be a cowboy no matter where you are going?
It looks dumb.  You look dumb.
Can’t you afford flip flops at the very least? You have to dig up whatever is in the bottom of your closet whether it matches or not? Walgreens usually has a good deal on cheap summer shoes if you need some and have a very limited shoe budget – or hey, how about just wearing last year’s summer shoes? Hell you’re wearing last year’s winter boots, dumbass and its 99 fucking degrees outside. 
Do you hate your feet? Are you trying to punish them for some reason? 
Perhaps you are trying to breed a new bacteria or some new strain of athlete’s foot fungus – well then continue, as you are on the right track with wearing that heavy, sweat inducing foot gear.
A note to the lady in the red summer business dress – your black ankle boots from the winter of 2002 look retarded – find a nice pair of strappy summer sandals to wear to the office – it will make you look more like a business woman and less like a horse with giant hooves.
Hipster dudes, what’s with the knit hats? You going skiing on the slopes of South Beach later today? Trying to suffocate your head lice? Yeah it looks fabulous with your scarf and your board shorts, no shirt and your skate board, douche. 
Even better with your striped shirt. (see below)

I would also like to address the wearing of high-heels with inappropriate attire.  If you are going to the beach and are in your bikini then you should probably NOT be wearing 5 inch high heels and a shit-ton of bling jewelry – while the suit has been made to endure the ravages of the pool and or the sea, sun and sand, your current shoe and accessory selections have not.
High-heels should NEVER be worn with shorts under any circumstance unless you are a hooker; if so then carry on, please.
My next query, two words: yellow pants.  What’s with them and why do men think this is a good choice in their selection of slacks?  I can’t understand why these are even manufactured.  Stop with the yellow pants unless you enjoy looking like an old yellow banana – perhaps you are trying to let us know something else about yourself or perhaps what you are concealing under your yellow pants. 
“No, that’s not an old yellow banana in my pocket. Why do you ask?”

Horizontal stripes; not just for mimes anymore?
This is directed especially to those who are of the “I think I’ll wear my yellow pants today” age.  Absolutely no horizontal stripes please and thank-you.  Pretty much if you are a man over the age of 25 you should not be wearing horizontal stripes.  Freddy Kreuger is the only man to whom this rule probably doesn’t apply.  They suit him and of course, the mimes – it’s their whole thing to begin with.   
You’re still cool to wear them, although it in no way makes you cool because after all, you are still a mime.

If you’re not wearing a shirt, gentlemen please, carry your backpack in your hand. Do not wear it.
I’m not even going to address the saggy oversized shorts with the boxer shorts hanging out and dudes holding them up with a belt cinched around their butts except to say this: 
the Scarecrow from the ‘Wizard of Oz.’   
‘Nuff said.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Good call on the fashion nonsense. I would have blogged about it my self but I am too lazy. That and I...had...oh who am I kidding. I'm just too lazy.